In a time in my life where I'm trying to pull together all my aspirations, goals and achievements together to form some kind of reliable future, my significant others mother tells me I baby him too much.  I don't know what she expects when she has raised a son with a stone cold face.  Really though, I'm serious his face is so strong it shattered my whole right hand punching it before (really now you can see so in my finger structure.) because - - he's cold as stone.  He doesn't like anyone or anything and hates the whole entire world and he's filled with nothing but hatred.  Which is why I tell him as I cradle him lovingly and adoringly while giving him a million kisses all over his face, that his face wasn't kissed enough as a baby.  It wasn't.  In my tit for tat world that I've developed, mine was kissed entirely way too much.  Then again, if you knew him you'd say the older women that like to pinch cute little boy cheeks were perhaps smart enough not to come close to him for fear of I don't know, perhaps being spit on.Well I can't help baby him and making him feel better at a time in his life where he needs emotional support.  If right now his only goal in life is to lay in bed cuddled with love than I want him to lay in bed cuddled with love.  If he continues on his path, I'm sorry > goal, of gaining weight and being the laziest man on earth all in some quest to see if I'll still love him than I want him eating foods that he loves.  Although I must warn of his sugar and his heart and my own vow to watch his health as we age, but fine, if that's his goal, then I'll baby him then too.
So why yes I see his mother's problem that I baby him too much supporting his lifestyle of doing nothing more than loving me all day long and desiring to hold me and filling my absent void with food  as I reward him with warm kisses and nurturing love, I do so because this man has stuck with me until I found the avenue in life where I'm doing something I love.  This is my plan for our future with him and others in his support structure are not as outlandish minded as me (a problem I've had my whole life) but I'm sure in my heart he'll adjust to the normal world in his own time so why would I push him?  I want him  working in his own time when something he loves comes along and he shows a passion for so.  
Until then I am doing his laundry and he is not learning to cook because if he develops a passion to become domesticated I'm going to leave him.  I'm sorry we have our roles and I want everything he is because I like his interest and non interest in regards of being a man.  And for now when he asks me what I see in him and why I'm into him when he has no aspirations at the moment and not even an aspiration to have an aspiration it's because he is my dream and therefore the only reason why I chase my own dreams.  That and I know he has a million dreams of his own and ya know what?  I love them and I love him and he's my baby who I will love warmly with all my heart all day long and he can rest and be lazy knowing that. 
I mean I do agree with his mother who thinks I can push him in the right direction and try so but I care more about his mental and emotional state of mind and one must understand how just stone cold he is and you can't tell him a thing unless he's being nestled with cuddled warmth.   
So as the old saying goes, “Just blame his mother.”
      

I do quite stand by the notion that everyone deserves love, and therefore think there are enough emotionally confused and damaged woman out there to pair with, loathsomely in the eyes of others, men with psychotic tendencies. Though it may take one who goes beyond daddy issues to love some men with not only a host of different occurrences these men have endured the general public with throughout the years of their lives, but also with a huge rap of all the personal pain this person has put the significant through. Arguably, put themselves through as well but that is more for the judge and the D.A. to bask through on the character of said man.  But, no one's on trial here so.   

Well, relationships with these men feel deep and loving but in reality, how can a man promise and devote his whole life to a woman if he enjoys risks in life that potentially get him locked up? A man like this may argue he'd still be possessive and hold feelings for you while away, and would enjoy the company of their woman being faithful even when the relationship is at a distance. However, this is their pursuit and game of being psychotic by in a twisted and deranged manner making you feel loved. Which there is much information and research on. So, well, how does the other in the relationship lure back the psychopath when they feel a lack of love?

They genuinely get over them and start to enjoy life beyond control and care of their feelings. And they do this so much to the point where the psychopath can now not manifest life anymore without the boost you give to their ego. They will want you stronger and harder physically enduring on your emotions to bring them back to a loving and soulful manner. When such manner may be reached, there you have it, the relationship is, has and always will be based on sex. If the manner hasn't been reached, though it were based on sex, well then the relationship is over and both parties move on to new sexual players. (Which will only bring on a lot of problems when the relationship is back on because if the psychopath finds a new sexual partner that is quite all right, but for his prey it is not and that is again, how to lure back in a psychopath.) I am not knowledgeable enough to speak of relationships not based on sex. But will say, in all relative regards, this does not guarantee the compromise of meaningful sex shall always be reached for the faithful couple in the above two scenario's and being the relationship sucks in other areas ONE in the party is able to do; what they want, when they want, where they want, with who they want. And that will again, only, lure back in a psychopath who must be on there best behavior to reward themselves in their own pursuit of self fulfillment of earning sex, probably by stalking while the other partner has emotionally but not physically appeared to have moved on.

If the psychopath becomes less homicidal toward their sexual maker and more suicidal, claiming and asking questions on the dealings of the word love. i.e. “Do you love me?” “Have you ever loved me?” “You swore you loved me.” “You said you would always love me.” “You never loved me did you?” Then perhaps it's time to realize you have two completely different outlooks on love. To the general public we evolve love with caring about someone and their overall well being, while others use it selfishly and think if you do indeed love them you should sacrifice your well being and happiness to prove your love. Well if I was giving someone advice I'd ask, “Do you love them?” If the answer were yes, I'd tell them care about your own well being and do what you want, when you want, where you want, with who you want. But of course be faithful to the golden rule of fidelity.

Now, how do you cut a psychopath for good? You completely without a doubt in your mind find yourself a new life partner while also letting them do the same.  Of course remember their relationship will again be based on the physical aspect of sex and since you're attracted to these type of men, you will most likely find another man based on sex.  So well, independence is a great nurture of life.  (But for woman with daddy issues.. ahh..)....    

I turned my last boyfriend onto puckering out his lips in a cute and sexy manner for a kiss. I did not mind however giving him up and letting him use such move on another female. In all honesty, I'd like to see him happy and with someone and be there to see that kiss. Though he mimicked me, I had mimicked someone else, and he where I had actually gained the move from. It's actually really simple and I'd be happy to teach but be alarmed it's very tempting and chances are I don't want you kissing my lips.

I bring this up as an example of the same man who taught me how to move my lips in such a way, is also the man I taught to hold a woman. Though I'm sure he won't admit he was pleased for his end of the night's deal, i.e. I earned to be held - - he lightly says to me “what do I do?” (Charming. It was very charming!) The answer was simple, nothing. I cuddled right up to his chest and though I don't remember if he actually wrapped his arms around me or not in that moment, I can for sure say; him I never want holding another woman as long as he lives. Seven years later and he turned out to be a romantic holder and a lazy cuddlier. Two things I as a woman must have in a relationship.

Well, I hung out with some guy pals last night and there remarks on strip clubs and a mild conversation on how I'm clingy I am has made me realize that perhaps I'm not hopeless and I'm right, there is a correct fit out there for everyone. I do however notice a trend that I'm not liking too, too much. There are too many single men on my Facebook. I'm not sure what it is but I do know there were many studies on it years ago in regards to a man's desire to settle down. I have figured it out though. (and this is mostly directed toward men but not to single out perhaps some females out there) You must have already let your soul mate go and they are either, a. taken now or b. no where to be found.

If you find this is your personal case I'll give a few tips for when this person comes around.

Save yourself sexually (yes this includes strip clubs and dirty movies!)

If you see things when your out and about shopping that remind you of this person pick it up. (No. Do not furnish a house with out her and buy her a new wardrobe. That's creepy!)

Make known that there is no need for jealousy if she is indeed settled down with someone when you find her. (Do not stalk! Do open your heart and ask around)

If she is with someone you must sweep her off your feet! Watch romantic comedies but read, read the real love stories. There's a major difference here. i.e. you got mail vs. Nicholas Sparks. (Literally.. swoop her off her feet.. pick her up!)

Flowers, cards, roses. Yes there is a difference between a flower and a rose! A single rose would be perfect for that first conversation. (think of it this way - - if you're convinced this person is your soul mate and your right fit than they will be delighted to see you and a smile will most likely occur!)

OKAY!!!! Here is the MAJOR step. A RING! (Yes I'm crazy but hear me out) If this person has settled down and you have lost them due to your inability to wanting to have settled down at the right time – they want a commitment, a life partner! Don't wait a single second more than what feels like the right moment for the ring!!

OooOo and expect and playfully demand sex! This person absolutely must cheat not leave the person rightfully so if they want to spend their life with you.. (yes you need an ego too!) and sex is the chemistry that in bodies a relationship soO.. well there's a right time for everything and sex is right so it's always the right time!

When I was a child I idolized my parents marriage so much I would play house in my toy kitchen almost all day long. Of course with playing house came the need for an imaginary husband and as time lines would predict, the addition of a baby doll to the family. Playing house became my everyday thing as though I was determined for it to smoothly turn into my real life one day.

My mother was very social during this time of my life and often I had a play dates while my mother entertained a friend. If the play date was with a girl friend they would be added to my playing by being a friend over for lunch or dinner with a pretend husband themselves or something else like playing the pet or child.

I'll admit I enjoyed playing more by myself than with other people but my mother also had friends who had sons around the time this game was popular with me. These sons would usually take the role of the husband while I threw them out of the room to go to work while I talked on my play kitchen phone, cleaned the area I played in, made pretend dinner, and cared for the children.

More times than not I would play an actress with these boys and devise a different personality and character, (as one young boy asked me to do because he didn't want me to be his wife because there are other little girls in the world and he doesn't get why he's stuck playing with me) but then one special boy came to play.

This was the boy who when I sent him out to work and called a girl friend on my house phone came into the room and hung it up - - telling me I wasn't allowed. The boy who would only let me pretend speak to my mother on the phone but made it a point that I wasn't allowed to invite her over. This was the boy who told me I wasn't allowed to call him at work, he'd be home at his usual time. This was the same boy who wouldn't come back in the room from work and pick up the baby unless I was already holding it. I absolutely had to argue that he wasn't playing right and he was suppose to come home and kiss the baby and I was suppose to call him a few times a day and tell him how much I loved and missed him.

Well, we played this game for a few days, or a few times, it is a childhood memory. What was he doing while he was at work? Well, he was rearranging all my toys and building me a new home in the other room, he was playing with cardboard and building a car to take me out dancing in.  But, with no friends on my pretend phone or to invite over for a lunch greeting while my 'husband' was at work, playing house became boring. He tried solving the situation by being more in touch with what I wanted when he came home from work. He started to wash his hands in my pretend kitchen, not the pretend bathroom, he added to the game so I could watch him, he mustered picking up the baby doll while it cried, and he even called my mother herself and asked her to join for dinner on one of the weekend days he now was taking off and spending with me. He was quite pleased when he realized my father would come too and must of felt a tad silly that we didn't invite them sooner.

Well, all was well except that everything had to be his way and he never wanted to play another game. I tried telling him that I like to play detective with another boy friend of mine, (our slogan's was “I'll figure it out”. He had a pencil (<in his ear like my dad) and pad and I a magnify glass. We were trying to solve real cases) well, anyway, there were other games I enjoyed playing, and even offered for him to help come up with a new game, but he insisted on sticking to the routine of because he had to work. And so he let me invite a real friend over one day and we had lunch in my play kitchen. My pretend husband was not okay with this idea because my attention wasn't on him. I was busy while he was working and we weren't spending our days, me doing my (what he now made feel like and even called>) chores, while he worked. I wasn't calling out into the other room with him as we kept track of time anymore. And so, he designed me pretend jewelry that day and ruined my game by coming home at lunch time, yelling that dinner wasn't made yet, and then when I tried sharing my jewelry with my friend, well, lets just say she didn't want to play at my house anymore if he were there.

Still insisting on playing this game, I was determined to make my having friends while we played house and him working – work. So I invited my detective friend over and they worked together, but the whole scenario was one big mess when he HAD to bring the friend home for dinner after work. We tried again (again he wasn't ready to play a new game) and I had my girl friends over in imagination for lunch, and for a play date for our kids that were growing with age, but he made a knife that day with cardboard and duck tape with my dad (saying he was making me a knife for my kitchen) and came home and pretend slaughtered them. And then I insisted not to play with him anymore.

And then he gave me all of his little toy soldier's who he played pretty violent with, keeping the one he melted and burned for himself, and I chose to place them in a box in my attic along with a few other items.  However,  he made me put his GI Joe away in the attic too though I didn't want to because I still wanted it to be my barbies date; but he insisted.

I still have relations with this man who's now in his thirties. He's still stubborn, over protective, controlling and well, I love him. He tries to compromise but everything has to be his way and by his book and he truly believes it's to be fair. He has a consequence for all of my actions where he doesn't feel like the main victor or up on a pedestal. He does not get that there are natural reactions for actions in life that I cannot control, but lately I try and shower myself with forgiveness because I don't like being angry and think feeling peaceful is a much better option. So theory of the story is; the main character of a person never changes, but that doesn't mean you can't change the things you do and how you approach things.

 I don't find it strange of me, though you may, why I don't mind my man speaking to other females. Not all females of course in any such regard, but those in whom I trust and like.  My main reasoning behind this is that I like guy friends. I've been in the type of relationship before where I, as the female, was not allowed to speak with guy friends but the males point of view was always; I can do whatever I want because I know better and I won't mess up. For a committed and monogamous relationship trust is the key component.  Ideally it would be a more pleasant world if no one was attracted sexually to anyone other than their mate, but the world is not ideal. In general I prefer my man to communicate and speak with women who are of equal attraction to me. Perhaps on a surreal level it's because their cute and bubbly personalities mimic mine and vice-versa so he won't be tempted to cheat, but that is too dream like. I have my reasons outside of the overall reasoning of trust why so. And I'd like to add it does not work for all equal to me women this way. I am speaking of females you know and love. Just as much as I don't like giving up guy friends for a male, I also do not like giving up female friends who make your life brighter.

To make it simple there are those that simply want to conquer your mate, those who want to win your mate for a lifetime over, and those who have their own love deep emotional love thing going on. It is studied that the more attractive a person is the deeper they fall in love. I always use Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as an example; but Jennifer Aniston is a good catch all her own so I like not to compare. Though the world saw how deep Brad feel for his wife; and most felt the cause to be her beauty.

Everyone has to watch out for those male or females in life who want to one up you by stealing your significant other – basically only for such cause. I guess a reasoning behind this would be because it would make them feel better than you. Those types of people should be off limits and seculde themselves to like people. Than there are cases where a better looking male or female are being trapped and blocked  in different aspects of life; perhaps professional personal growth or simply by trying to be the last man left. Those types of people are more than welcomed to dance with you in life but you always have to be a step ahead and keep an eye on such -- well for people persons anyone.  Others may easily cut those types of people out of their lives.  And then, when you think you can't trust anyone in the world there are those who would actually go out of their way to keep your counterpart faithful to you. Those are the type of people I like to surround myself with and I hope most do too.

So since it may seem strange that I encourage good-looking women to mingle, in a non-sexual way, with my man, I do hold logic behind it. (not at all any good-looking person, just ones you love and want in your life! I'd like to differentiate the difference but it's self-explanatory through this sharing of thoughts) I find woman to be smart, cute, funny, pretty, beautiful ect. All the attributes in the world I myself posses and I don't mind if he thinks so too. Though, with being in a deep relationship comes easy hurt and jealousy. If good-looking people with killer personalities are always around and you become angry with you're partner will they be likely to leave and cheat. Well, the good news is you too are surrounded with the opposite sex with whom your partner can trust, and the situation can work tit for tat. An honest, speaking out of feelings is all it takes to sort through ones feelings. If a nice, calm break-up happens then perhaps you let the wrong person in your immediate circle and one was talked into leaving you for the self gain of the one who just wants a point on their score card.  Basically I believe you should love the one your wife and check your heart taken box for life.  And I feel others should respect such promise your soul has made.

Moral of all of this is; if you're asked not to speak to certain people by your significant other than perhaps you shouldn't. However, a conversation may clear things up. For example; hey babe their into someone else and their sun doesn't circle around you so please let's just chill and then perhaps you'd have to explain why this certain someone else you yourself are not into and chances are they themselves aren't into you either.  So what's the hurt in it?

Disclaimer:  Men, please don't think I'm advising to speak to only the hottest people (cause I'm not and that will hurt and back fire.) If they want a relationship with you and to be with you and then can tempt you sexually: STAY AWAY! If you think you can't be tempted sexually and want to prove so: STAY AWAY!! <3

Some couples may feel they need more time together but other couples may benefit from spending a do 'you miss and love me?' trial of separation in respects to the proverb; "Separation makes the heart grows fonder"
 to bring to light the feelings you're sure are there.  Spending time away from a loved one may not seem to be needed but in actually it can greatly help strengthen a relationship.  Just think about the scenario of  you and your significant other spending days on days apart with the availability of visiting one another.  For a couple who lives together the experience can enhance the relationship while also help build trust.  

When you're in a relationship where one member lacks a few key and vital components of trust, yet there is an aroma of unconditional love or even misinterpreted trust, (i.e. you know you can trust this person but your mind plays tricks on you that you shouldn't pay attention to) spending some time apart can strengthen your relationship.  Or, even if you and a loved one are caught fighting, spending time apart may decease the grudge one gender may hold for pest of things.  In any event, spending time away will bring a new-decree in the sense of what it is to trust, be trusted, love and be loved, and of course miss and be missed. 

With visiting times for the hours of separation a couple can enhance the joys they hold together.  Perhaps you will choose to only eat one meal together over the course of your 'you miss and love me?' trial.  Or you'd rather meet after meals and get a feel of what it is to eat dinner without a loved one therefore with hope of decreasing fighting when the separation has finally concluded.  Perhaps sleeping together has no longer become accommodating and this will be the activity you chose to do together so the areas of strong holdings in the relationship will gain a sense of endowment and vitality so that the warm body next to you will help you realize truly what you have with activities you enjoy yet were then spent away.  With certainty this concept will  vary from couple to couple and scenario to scenario but the outcome may be worth while.

My boyfriend and I were forced to do this due to life circumstances.  In the beginning the exercise wasn't so hard and then it became harder and harder.  After seeing one another for just brief yet fulfilling visits, the desire to see each other became stronger and stronger.  The comfort of sleeping next to one another drew on sleep and the overall joy of each other's company was heightened to a new level once the trial of separation was over.  Also, trust was built due to the feeling of unconditional love being prevalent and co-dependencies to make it through life were built all setting the foundation for a forever, happily forever future.  They say true love waits forever; so what's some maybe not needed yet ritualism time away?'  

      

My boyfriend has woken back up the complete bitch in me.  His cute, sweet, caring and cuddly girlfriend has taken a turn into someone I don't want to be -- though I can't seem to help it.  You spend six months with a man and you assume with all the love and attention he sheds to you he would tend to your back.  In anyway that is.  Not just a thirty second teasing back tickle -- or never not once a back massage.  When your with a man who won't even let you climb on top to make love -- there's something wrong with the relationship.  When he teases and makes you horny and then doesn't put out -- you start to feel sexually abused.  

All of which -- among other things, has turned back on my bitchy side.  A woman I haven't been in over ten years.  A woman I swore I would never let back out as much as I could help it.  Well now she's here and yes -- wants her needs catered too and never wants to cater to the needs of another man again.  -- Yet will.  If it's the right one.  

Ugh.  Wish woman were asexual.  

Mothers, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, aunts, female cousins in general can all get along and help one another out in regards to being gentle to feelings to attain.. “Getting what we want.” In other words; men are not meant to make household decisions. The term, “mommy knows best.” may not always provide to be valid and useful because the truth is, “I know what I want and you either help me to get it or stay out of the way.” Therefore it seems for a woman to get what they want they have to work around what others want to get just what they want. It's not a tragic role to play because making men happy is a joy to woman. Pleasing family, friends and children is naturally a main intent of woman. Pleasing yourself, by pleasing others is simple until man comes into the picture. When someone doesn't see the vision of your overall outcome of your decisions and all they see is them being screwed, and then a woman can't carry out her vision because the man is standing in the way; the happy vision is screwed and everyone has to settle for something a little less enjoying. So when a woman just wants to make sure your whole family has a good day, and you as well, it's not easy to do when you live in a home where the man makes all the decisions. (Or even sometimes just one or two vital ones). A man may know what he wants to eat for dinner but woman are known for cravings. Perhaps if a man knew a woman's craving they themselves will enjoy the meal more so than what they were intending to eat for dinner. Only you may never even be able to know so because ya know, your stomach pines for food once so eating two dinners isn't a valid test. So if a man enjoys his dinner that his wife has made for him and then makes what he wanted the next night, most likely he will enjoy his dinner the next night more than he would have the day before. Same thing works with the nature of woman speaking. “hold on I'm getting to the point.” Well men, did you know that point is tailored to please you? Usually when a woman cuts a man off from talking it's because it's, “I know what you're getting at but please shut up because it's not at all what I want to hear, sorry. Why don't you go and just speak to yourself in another room because your conversation is really kinda just for you.” Men 'sometimes' like to please woman. The rest of the time they're trying to 'un-please' what they've already pleased because it's pleasing to them. Obviously it makes some people un-happy for others to be happy.

A redneck, ghetto swag man

That's what I'd consider my man but if you ask him he ain't no redneck. I don't see where he draws that conclusion but a redneck, ghetto swag man was just what I was looking for. Do you know why? Because of the sweetness they offer to the relationship.

Considering the relationship is still new I'm hoping there aren't trials that will be outgrown in the time to come. Such as his need to talk to me constantly on the phone while he's working. Now I got my own things going on all day long and sometimes I get a little snappy with him while I'm trying to complete an important task. I know, I must watch my behavior because do I ever want his need to talk to me constantly ever end? I think not.

I often tend to look at where my parent's love life sizzled and I'd be 99% to go ahead and say my parents lost communication throughout the day lead to some relationship problems. Communication such as; “I miss you”, “I can't wait to see you”, “I love you”, and “I wish I was there with you”. Or even just the simple communication of how your days going and what your up to. If you find work stressful on the job communicating with your loved one throughout they day is probably a good idea rather than waiting for that, I'm starving let's just eat dinner time. Sometimes we have so much we want to say to the one we miss in the time we are away that speaking throughout the day is of course considered a good thing. The only downfall is the more one pulls themselves away from their work while also keeping the other from their work makes for a longer wait time to finally see each other. 

Wanting to see your loved one and missing them so are great qualities to have early on in the relationship. But as we all know the tendency of becoming sick of someone is apparent in relationships. We see this through break-ups and divorce all the time.

Everyone knows absence is suppose to make the heart grow fonder. I have a lot of other outlets other than my relationship going on right now such as my daughter, balancing my parent's likeness for my boyfriend and how much we wish to see each other, my writing, working out and of course my arts and crafts column that I am continuing to enjoy more and more as my ideas grow. This isn't to say he doesn't have anything else but me going on but while I do enjoy the all day phone calls and texts I know they will simmer down so I must be grateful for them now while also looking for ways for them never to end. All I can hope is that there is a happy medium to the pleasure of feeling missed, adored and loved down the road rather than a, “I'll talk to ya when I see ya.”

Guess time will tell.

Today is a great day to celebrate for me. What exactly am I celebrating? Life! Today is mine and my boyfriend's one month anniversary. I know I've been mostly about romance up until now and if you look at the extra links on the site menu you will see I am interested in other areas of writing as well, but I try to keep that off my blog. The personal deal of the blog was not to write about much more than the joys and struggle of a loving relationship. Hopefully it will never be about the heartbreak of love but let's just say though life is happy I wouldn't call it joyful in the love department today. Not per-say my mood, maybe my actions, not your problem and I won't make it your business.  Although I can say I am even more joyful now with the relationship because I have a wonderful, handsome boyfriend who just pleased the 'romance' author.  Yes, I do wonder how one would ever handle me after reading my own writing -- the simple things in life of course!  

So with that being said, today I received a certificate that I graduated with honors in my selected field. More of a reasons to celebrate life but if you've been paying attention to my blog, I do adore and admire love the most and I can with certainty say, “I did it all for the glory of love.”

My boyfriend and I may be adults but we are taking the relationship as young and care-free as possible while mind you - - both working hard on our life goals which we are both more dedicated to now that we have each other to care for. Well, last night, a random Tuesday night at around 11PM he decided he wanted to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things for his home. I was all for it - - getting him out and showing him off. (not my real intent but it is a perk of being with such a handsome man.) We weren't in the store for long but it was actually a very romantic time.

You see, we went dancing the Saturday before and it took me days to come up with the word to describe him on the dance floor; smooth. He is a smooth dancer, smooth talker, just all around a good guy. I don't know why I would have expected him to have been anything other then fun, sweet and yes, romantic in the grocery store. Just the way he interacts with me, how he glides around with me on his arm while he pushes the cart or how he stays by my side while I want to steer.

If you and your loved one have not been to the grocery store late at night to pick up a few things , it's something you should try. Actually, it's a must for the to-do list. It's the perfect place to show all the PDA you want because really the only people in there are the stock boys. Consider the stock boys a benefit for you to show other men in front of your own how faithful you are and then you may smile because you can say, look how much my man loves and appreciates me. Plus, it's great experience for the male ego of his saying, hey this is my gal! How lucky am I?

I didn't really mean it when I said that though. What I really meant was if this is the right one for me everything will go right and smoothly, there won't be fighting, and we'd we just naturally want to and know how to please each other. Well, guess I did mean my words because I had to take a stand to break us in right.

It was a stupid fight really over nothing. Well it was over a few things. Him and I can agree it could be over the drama of other people. Though, I'd disagree because this wasn't the case. The case was it was over the drama he feels will be caused by other people. I don't do drama though and he's the one that claims it still exists. I believe we are at the ages in our lives where drama can't get to you and if it does - - you gotta let it go.

Well, I broke up with him over our own relationship drama. Not really though cause he's still my man, my boyfriend but on Facebook I'm single and I'll let you in on why. I sent him a sweetly, cutely worded text message the other week on how he could make my heart feel if he accepted my friend request on FB. I then went on to add how it would make my soul feel too if he sent me a relationship request. What ended up happening this week later; he deleted his Facebook over a fight that “I don't really love him.” If you ask him though, he didn't delete the page. We both know he did but he says, “no you know the phone wasn't working.” Whatever- the page is deleted, fess up to it. See, he'd let that run into a future fight but I - - I have already let it go all I hope is that we don't argue over how the page got deleted again. Maybe he's right. Maybe he didn't delete the page. How can I be wrong? This isn't what the fight was even over it was over. . .

Huh? What? It's the past. We were fighting over each others past. I just wanted a little run-down on an ex-relationship of his but while he was fighting with me instead of communicating with me on what was upsetting him about my past (FB pics of boys) - - I would of told him anything he wanted to know about any guy friend, any ex who wasn't ever really even my BF story he wanted to know. Thing is, I told him most of these stories weeks ago again. I know he pays attention, I do. Faces and names and re-tales of the story, I know this is what our relationship needs for me to make things work for him. Thing is, he just doesn't believe me when I tell him I've been a good, vigilant girl the best I could be for my dream man, and guess what, he's still my dream man which is how he even got with me! (and I do only credit myself here because he is just an amazing man and I need to point out that I deserve him.)

Anyways, I'm single on FB till he reinstates his and wants to share with his world that he is mine because I know how much he adores going through my FB wall while logged into my account and seeing all the cute, 'I LOVE HIM< I LOVE US' things I post. Whether he wanted to admit that in front of our friends or not last night while I was reading other people's status out loud that my friend seemed to enjoy and if we were alone he would of too-- which is where the whole 'you weren't paying attention to me part came into play--. But, you know I don't love him and I was paying NO attention to him. Okay. Doesn't it sound like he wasn't paying attention to what I was reading him? Ohhhh it is water under the bridge cause he's cute and made up with the sweetest words to me. I was eating out of the palm of his hand last night, trying for affection, hoping he adored how much I love and want him. Hoping he realizes I'm not leaving him ever! But, flip side of it - - get the 'H' out of here, you weren't even deserving of all that loving my lover.

Guess I did mean the title to this blog. I am breaking him in right. Excuse me, I mean us right although, I'm already broken in cause he laid down his ground rules and I am following them but he needs to meet me half way on them. I have friends some may be guys but you know what? I know a lot of them have been waiting a long time to see me happy with a man and I do believe in my heart I found someone they will adore as I do and I also believe in my heart, he'll enjoy time spent with these people.

So, the break-up. I had to let him know I am not getting stuck in a love, deep relationship if he does feel as deeply about me as he says he does if there is fighting involved. I was sweet, attentive and affectionate while he was mad. And he did walk me to my door and kiss me good night. After though, we had to be away from each other. That was the first conclusion we had when we mended the fight. We simply didn't want to leave each other and spend the night apart. We have to though. Our life circumstances lead it to be that way. We both know in time though, it won't always have to be that way. Which makes me very happy, hopeful, and dedicated to working for a good future for us.

So, my advice for all of you in love and have some jealous, miss-communicated bugs in the relationship: don't get angry at the same time as each other. When one is angry let them get out their frustrations, leave the situation for a little and then come back and let them know how you feel. Let them know you want it to work but they didn't hold up to their end of making the relationship always happy and fun like the majority of the time spent together and if you do it right, (no I don't mean threats, I mean let out your real feelings) you can get your point across while the other is no longer mad and there now the ones who would do anything to make the relationship work. If the good didn't significantly out weigh the bad, you wouldn't want to be with the person. No matter how good the love making sex is or how strong the attraction is. Which is of course a lie because yes, people stay together for those reasons - - or so I heard.

I did have to explain though how I did have and I do not ever again want to have a history of always breaking up relationship. The past always breaking up relationship was so bad I meant the break-up time and time again, but I was stuck. Hey you know what? I didn't even break up with him we may agree on a relationship anniversary date but he was single on Facebook. Well, I did break-up then I guess. I needed him to understand - - I'm breaking up with you now for good! The only other option is you have to compromise - - and he is. I'm breaking up with you now, not down the road, to end the hurt and pain and suffering this relationship can cause both of us early on. Back to the compromise . .. I know, I know, I have to too, and I do! I was. I feel really bad now that I upset him and I can and appreciate that it is I who can give him someone to care for him for a lifetime as he says his heart wishes to have. I'm lucky I am the one who gets to hold him, kiss his sweet, soft face and assure him - - I'm here now, I'm here forever! 143++ kisses on that soft face once I get to my quota of a 1,000 I'll re-start and one day, I know it to be true, I'll give him 1,000 all at once, counting a reasoned thank-you for loving me every kiss on the way.

Well relationship goers, communication is definitely key and so I say; “We don't have to break each other in. We're sharing ourselves, our desires on what we need from the other to make the relationship work.” and so I hope and I can see rainbows and butterflies and lifes dreams and goals coming true if we stick together and therefore, I do promise every promise I ever made to him. We work hard for the one's we love, don't we?

Much like Gabriella from The Eternity that Follows my own love life has gone along with the proverb she chose to live her life around; “Good things come to those that wait.” My man asset (as you may hear me sometimes call him because he doesn't like the term 'boy toy') and I have not been together for all that long. There is a connection of being together for am emotionally long time though and it can be felt between us within the way we interact with one another and how we feel in each others care and company.

With all that being said, he asked me last night; “What would I do if something happened to him.” - - and he did mean; what would you do if I died right now, or tomorrow, sometime soon. I had a cute, playful answer - - he didn't seem to feel the answer was deep enough. I thought I'd write up a blog post to share with my readers exactly what I would do.

Well, since I have had dreams of being settled down with the right man since 21 and I am now 27, and I am full heartily sure he's it; my real answer is; I'd probably just stay faithful. I'm not to sure I would be looking to move on, I mean - - I finally found him, right? Well, I do understand human nature and the pressure of someone losing a significant other do feel from family members when the time comes from them to forget their past love and move on and explore a relationship with someone new. Therefore, I'm sure I would try and get out there to date again if something did happen to him - - but honestly, I'm not sure if I would. If you have read any of my books you would understand that I believe once you find the one, that love is forever, for eternity in heaven, (and the eternity that follows after the end of 'eternity.' Plus, it takes a lot for me to be interested in a man, like a whole lot which is why this is the first relationship to last longer than three days in many, many, many years.

Any who, the only answer he was looking for from his question if he were to pass on was if I'd cry or not. I would. But like I tell him, I feel him all around me when he's not with me. I see him in my dreams and I have been keeping to dedications and career goals in life, even more strongly now since we have gotten together. Therefore, I'd do what the Mary Magdalene must of done when Jesus passed on. I would do my part to make the world a better place, in any way I could. I would work hard in life, feeling him watching over me, and then I'd spend forever with him in the eternity that follows our lives on earth.

Only thing is, he put me to sleep last night peacefully and happily, and then he kinda had to leave cause he spent the last two nights over and my parents thought, okay kiddo's that's enough. So, when I woke up I was really missing that morning kiss. Kinda felt like I wanted to die without him, got over it quickly though cause I knew I'd be seeing him later. Guess this means I would be a miserable mess without him.

Disclaimer; I am not running away over the hill into dream land here. His words were very sweet to me last night when this conversation arose and just like the hero's in my romance writing, he too would like to spend heaven with me. =) What a lucky gal I am!

I'm in love. With something new, something borrowed, something used. Not too sure about that something borrowed though cause he's mine now. What a sensitive thought love is sometimes. Well, in my new found, long awaited love affair I am engaging in who knows best – the male or the female?. I've come to the conclusion it is of a compromise - - A woman's intuition; a man's control. I'd say these two attributes opposite sexes posse is not per-say a tool for a good and healthy relationship, but rather more of a vital lifeline. The in's and outs, if's and buts of what to do, where to go, who to keep in your life and share your love around - - all the makings of integrating your life with the one you helplessly fell for. I myself am a woman of indecisive decisions when I'm a single gal. I contemplate should I go out, should I stay in, who should I occupy my time with. Well now that I'm with someone I'm like well it's your call, your decision. But, then again at times I'm like heyyy I have a better plan for us that I think we'd enjoy more. Of course with the man's control part it's hard to be listened and heard at times. It's a little glitch on the road to a hopeful lifetime love. Well, we've found our compromise and we're have a ton of fun together. A woman's intuition; a man's control at this point in my life is the definition of compromise in an enjoyable relationship.